All 8 draft lottery teams ranked from least deserving to most deserving

All 8 draft lottery teams ranked from least deserving to most deserving

For the first time, there will be a part 2 to the NHL Draft Lottery. So, at of all the eliminated teams from the qualifier will have a chance at the first overall pick in the 2020 NHL Draft. Confused? You’re probably not alone. So now let’s get everyone caught up with all you need to know about the second phase of the lottery and who deserves the first overall pick.

Just like everything else this year, the path to first overall is unorthodox. The NHL had a Phase 1 lottery in June that could have determined the top three picks if only non-playoff teams were drawn, but since a “Placeholder” team won that initial lottery, we now have to do a second one.

With all the qualifiers being finished we now know who the eight teams are who have an equal 12.7% chance at the first overall selection.

Starting with the team who deserves the first overall pick the least the Toronto Maple Lea’s. This team lost in five games to the Columbus Blue Jackets they have a very strong forward core their biggest problems is in defense having the first overall pick won’t mean much for a team who doesn’t need a franchise forward.

Next would be the Edmonton Oilers, this team has the best player in the sport with a solid supporting cast, including a Hart Trophy finalist. They are not building for the future. They are looking to build a cup contender.

The team most people are afraid of who will get the first overall pick is the Pittsburgh Penguins. This team is only three years removed from back to back Stanley Cups. The league could use a first overall pick as a guaranteed face of the franchise after Crosby and Malkin retire in a few years. But for them to be gifted this pick so close to their last two cups is something no one wants to see unless you cheer for the team.

Now for the teams who could use a first overall pick, starting with the Winnipeg jets. This team could be the best-looking Canadian team to win a cup for hockey motherland. They have a young core who is ready to make noise the biggest thing they need is coaching. But adding another franchise winger to their roster would not hurt them.

The New York Rangers disappointed everyone when they got swept by the Carolina Hurricanes in the qualifier. But now they have a chance to add what could be their last piece for future deep playoff runs. As with a star second-line winger with last year’s second overall pick Kappo Kakko the team will be great for the future.

The next three teams could benefit immensely from getting a new franchise face starting with the Nashville Predators, as they were crushed by the Arizona Coyotes and they have been on the downturn since losing in the cup final in 2017. They need a new face of the franchise and getting a first overall pick will set the franchise up for the future.

Next up will be the Minnesota Wild a team that has no direction, and since their creation in 2000 have been the punching bag of the NHL. With a first overall pick and a generational talent, they could build around may finally change the league’s perspective on them.

Finally, the team that could use the first overall pick the most is the Florida Panthers. They have all the same problems as Minnesota. But with the firing of their GM they are at least in the right direction with changing the franchise and looking to the future and a nice jumpstart for them would be getting the first overall pick in this crazy draft lottery.

From inside the Lions den: A conversation with former member of the Detroit Lions

From inside the Lions den: A conversation with former member of the Detroit Lions

I have been a passionate Detroit Lions fan for almost 12 years and I have always wondered why Detroit has always struggled to be successful. Recently I had the pleasure of talking to former Detroit Lions Kick/punt returner and wide receiver Stefan Logan, Stefan and talked about what it was like playing in Detroit and what the possibilities could be for the team now. Stefan played three years in Detroit, 2010, 2011, and 2012 all three years under Head coach Jim Schwartz and General Manager Martin Mayhew. I asked Stefan what the atmosphere was like in the facility through out the course of the season. He described to me a happy group of friends in the locker room. He said that all the players got along and became friends, but not all things were great between the players and the coaches. There was no great riff between players and coaches, but a great number these players don’t like these coaches and those coaches don’t like these players. Coming off of that I asked Stefan what it was like to play under Head Coach Jim Schwartz. As a fan I always saw Schwartz as a hardnosed, very stern, kind of mean coach, but Stefan described him to me as not always the best guy, but a nice guy and a hard-working coach that wanted the team to do good. Stefan brought up a very interesting point that I have never considered before, when Stefan played for Schwartz, he was new at being a Head Coach. Jim Schwartz was getting his feet wet trying to figure out how to be a successful head coach. Logan added that if Schwartz is hired to be a HC again, Schwartz would be a much better coach then he was in Detroit.

In the three seasons that Logan Played in Detroit, they Lions were 6-10 in 2010, 10-6 in 2011 with a wild card appearance and 4-12 in 2012. Those were three of Jim Schwartz’s five season as head coach the other two, 2009 and 2013 which were also losing seasons. When the lions made the playoffs in Schwartz’s third season, it was the first time the Lions saw the playoffs since 1999. I asked Stefan if making the playoffs in 2011 saved Jim Schwartz’s job as the head coach. Much to my surprise Stefan told me that if the team did not make the playoffs that year Jim Schwartz would have surely been fired after the season. With him saying that moved to talking about the team after he had left, I asked Stefan what he thought of Jim Caldwell and if he thought Caldwell was pushed out of Detroit too soon. Jim Caldwell was brought in 2014 and was let go from the team after the 2017 season. In Caldwell’s first season as head coach the Lions went 11-5, making the playoffs, but losing in the wildcard round to Dallas due to a very controversial pass interference no call. The went 7-9 in 2015, then in 2016 went 9-7, making the playoffs for the second time under Caldwell. The Lions lost in the playoffs to Seattle in 2016 26-6 and with a 9-7 finish and failing to make the playoffs in 2017 Caldwell was fired by the Lions. Jim Caldwell’s overall record with Detroit was 36-28(.536). He was the first coach that coached more than one season in Detroit to have a winning record since Joe Schmidt (’67-’72). Caldwell also had the best record for Lions head coach since Buddy Parker in the 1950’s.

In 2017 when the Lions fired Jim Caldwell, I personal thought that the team was making a mistake and that the progress that Caldwell was making with the team did not warrant getting fired. When I asked Stefan about this, he also felt that Detroit pushed Caldwell out to soon. Stefan made an interesting comparison to me, he compared the results of Caldwell seasons to Marvin Lewis, former head coach of the Cincinnati Bangles. Marvin Lewis coached the Bangles for 15 years, making the playoffs 7 times and all 7 of those times the Bangles lost in the wild card round. So, Stefan brought who could a mediocre coach like Marvin Lewis get 15 years at the helm of the Bangles but yet Caldwell who was Detroit most successful coach in 60 years only got 4 seasons. Stefan also added that Caldwell’s Lions had the success that they did with their only reliable form of offense being their WR group and he thinks that if Caldwell was still the Lions head coach with the current group of players the team would be doing much better than they did from 2014-2017. Looking at the past three Detroit head coaches, Jim Schwartz, Jim Caldwell and the current coach Matt Patricia. Schwartz and Patricia are defensive minded coaches were Caldwell is an offensive minded coach and out of the three, Caldwell being the offensive minded coach had better success than Schwartz and Patricia. So, I asked Stefan if he thought which type of coach Detroit would be better off with and he said that it doesn’t really matter weather they are defensive or offensive minded, what matters the coach’s style or system is. Jim Caldwell coached for awhile before Detroit, he had a coaching style and system that worked, just not the proper personal. Matt Patricia on the other hand has the personal but not his own style or system. Matt Patricia was the defensive coordinator for New England for so long and Stefan pointed out the because of that Patricia is trying coach using the Bellichck system, but that’s not going to work. For Matt Patricia to be a good coach in Detroit he needs to find his own style of coaching.

After talking about the coaching, I want to talk about the players and we started with Matthew Stafford. Stafford was drafted in 2009 to be the face of the franchise and Stefan got to play with Stafford early in his career. Now 11 years in to his career Mathew Stafford is the face and leader of the Lions. I wanted to know if Stafford jumped right into to the leadership role or if he grew into the leadership role. Interestingly Stefan believes that it is time for both Stafford and the Lions to move on from each other. Stefan told me that Stafford wanted to learn and grow into be the starting QB and the leader of the team, but Stafford did not have the luxury to do so. Stefan said that Matthew was pressured into that role by management and the coach. Stefan told me there was situations and play calls in both games and practice that Stafford did not feel ready to undertake being young players that the coaches forced him into. Stefan described it as Stafford wasn’t ready and the coaches knew he wasn’t ready, but wanted to push him anyway. With that Stefan went on to talk about how the coaches push a lot of the players into positions they did not want to be. Stefan specifically talked about Jahvid Best, Best played for Detroit the same three years that Stefan did. Jahvid was brought in by Detroit to kick start their run game that struggled for years. Coming to the Lions Jahvid was a scat running back, quick, fast for long runs, not made break through groups of people to pick first downs from a few yards out. The lions wanted Best to be a three-down, the team tried to make Jahvid a bruiser back to smash through defenders to pick two, three yards at a time. With the Lions not utilizing Best as the type of running back that he was, Best got hurt a lot and led to a short stay in Detroit.

Stefan went on to talk about how the Lions either under utilizing or over utilizing players were an issue that plagued the team. Stefan talked about his personal experience of how he was not use properly in the offense. Stefan was a running back in college and after proving his wroth on special teams, he was integrated into Detroit’s offense though as a wide receiver, not a running back. Stefan did not know why Lions Offensive coordinator Scott Lenahan was making these nonsensical decisions that was hurting the offense. Stefan went on to tell that the lack of building a proper offense in Detroit lead to the retirement of one of Detroit’s greatest. Calvin Johnson was drafted in 2007 and the retried from the NFL in 2015, Johnson had 731 receptions, 11,619 yards and 83 TDs in his career. Johnson also broke Jerry Rice’s single season receiving yards record in 2012. Calvin Johnson rose to be one of top wide receivers and considered one of the greats, so it was a complete shock when he retired in 2015. Stefan talked about that with no cohesion, the Lions offense always went to Calvin. And the more they went to Calvin, the more he got hit. The More Calvin got hit, quicker his body started breaking down, the less Calvin wanted to put in for a team that could not find success. Calvin Johnson got so frustrated that the team keep losing and that the coaches and GM would not listen to his suggestions and ideas. So, with a lot of frustration and a lot of acing bones Calvin decided to retire after Detroit would not trade him.

From injuries to frustrations with play calling and personal groupings, the Detroit Lions could not pull it together on Sundays. Detroit had a capable team of players on both offense and defense to get the job done and win more games, yet the failed to do so. Stefan told me that the lack of cohesion on the offensive side of the ball was the team’s biggest issue. The team could not establish a run game, the offensive line could not get into a rhythm, and the tight ends were unreliable, among other things. The issue with the offense is not just that they could not score, it was also the fact they could not stay on the field. Stefan described from game to game, the defense would get a stop forcing the opponent to punt, then the offense would take the field and in two minutes the Lions would be punting, bring the defense back on the field. Though the Lions defense was a solid defense, the lack of rest due to the offense’s inability to stay on the field, the defense would break and they would loss by huge margins. This led to the fans starting to turn on the Lions, Stefan recalled a game when he was sitting on the sidelines in Ford Field and heard all the Lions fans booing them, Stefan looked around baffled that they were getting booed by their own fans.

Though as much as the team tried to fix the issues, Stefan told me that no matter would the team did, if it was mid game adjustment or trying new things in practice, the team just could not figure out how to fix their issues. From what Stefan told me, finding the solutions to the team’s issues did not seem like the front office’s biggest priority. Between all the coaches and members of the front office, no one that a good idea unless it was their own. There was a lot of bickering in the front office and they just could not agree on anything. The coordinators could not find an agreement with the head coach about play calling and personal grouping. The Head coach and the GM could not agree on opinions of players to keep on the team or bring in to the team. With all that bickering in the management and coaching staff the team never found the solutions they were looking for. I thought this was very interesting because how Stefan was describing this, it was something that was a detriment to the team, but all this unrest in the team seemed to be kept lowkey. I asked Stefan if there’s a similar thing going on in Detroit today, especially with what happened last season where out of no where the lions Traded Quandre Diggs and then in the offseason traded away the star of the defense Darius Slay after his relations with Matt Patricia broke down. Stefan told that he sees some degree of dysfunction in the administration of the Lions today, but as far as personal movement such as with Slay a coach wants to build his team with his guys. Darius Slay and Quandre Diggs were part of the Lions before Patricia was the coach and something that Stefan said throughout are conversation, when a head coach comes into a team, they bring in the people they want and that means pushing out players that were left from the previous head coach.

Seeing all the things happening within the organization that affected the team’s ability to win, I asked Stefan if the division that the Lions played in had an effect on the success of the Lions. The Lions play in the NFC north with the Green Bay Packers, the Chicago Bears and the Minnesota Vikings. The NFC North is considered on of the toughest divisions in the NFL, especially over the last ten years. Stefan put it this way, what is the number one objective of the team for any season? To make the playoffs. What is the one way that grantees a playoff spot? Winning the division. When a team is building for the upcoming season, the teams wants to build to win the division. The Lions do need to build their team to beat the Saints or the Seahawks, they may need to game plan for those teams, but they need to build to beat the Packers, Bears, and the Vikings. Over the last few years, the Lions have struggled to win the division. The last time the Lions won a division title was 1993. Looking at it, the fact that the Lions are in the NFC North has an effect on the team’s success season to season. To end our conversation, I asked Stefan if the Lions could be a winning team. Stefan believes the Lions could one be a winning team if they could bring in the right people at the right time.

The Lions have always been known as a bad team and it was interesting get insight in to how and why the team has struggled. Because Stefan played in Detroit eight years, I wasn’t sure how or even want to recall his days in Detroit. Stefan Logan shared a lot of interesting insights, and let us all look into a lot of cool and interesting things about what is was like playing for “one of the worst teams in the NFL”.

COLUMN: WHERE ARE COLLEGE FOOTBALL’S LEADERS?

NEW YORK, N.Y.- The definition of the word leadership is a simple one. CEO Kevin Kruse laid out a great explanation of the word, stating: “Leadership is a process of social influence, which maximizes the efforts of others, towards the achievement of a goal.” The “leadership” in college athletics has managed to achieve the complete opposite of this since the pandemic started and now the sudden crash of the college football season is a compilation of the incompetence that has been building for years.

College football has always been the wild west of the sports world. Schools jumping from conference to conference looking for the biggest payday. Coaches committing to their team one day and leaving the next. The amount of conference games vary from league to league. I won’t even get started with the playoff format. All of this division within the sport has largely been harmless in the grand scheme of things. But this looking out for oneself and one’s conference mentality that has become prevalent during a pandemic situation is coming back to bite the sport. The lack of a unifying voice has led to a mad scramble to try and save the sport this fall, with mixed messages getting sent out all over the place. Chaos has ensued and, in the end, the one’s hurt by the lack of leadership the most are the players and fans.

Let’s be realistic before we go any further: staging a college football season amidst a pandemic was a massive undertaking and potentially an impossible act. The complications that go into this choice are numerous, but that’s not an excuse for poor leadership. At this point, with the Big Ten and Pac-12 axing their seasons while the ACC, SEC and Big 12 try to push through, there’s already enough frustration from players, coaches and fans alike about how we ultimately got here, which was due mostly to a lack of preparedness, communication and unity.

The Big Ten became the first Power 5 conference to postpone the fall sports season

When the pandemic first struck college sports and canceled March Madness as well as the entirety of the spring sports calendar, conference commissioners and athletic directors were on conference calls daily. This was designed to ensure every school and conference was on the same page moving forward in the hope that their golden goose could be saved. After months of these daily discussions, the first sign of dysfunction came to light from the Big Ten back in early July. Without telling anyone else, the wealthiest conference announced they were moving to a conference-only schedule this fall, catching the other four major leagues off guard. From there, it’s been every conference for themselves, with the ultimate example of lack of communication coming from the two southern conferences.

The ACC, still hoping to preserve their in-state SEC rivalry games like Florida-Florida State, Georgia-Georgia Tech and Clemson-South Carolina, announced their teams would be allowed to play one non-conference game. Just hours later, the SEC announced they were playing conference games only, eliminating the hope of rivalry games the ACC specifically made room for. It makes you think after having daily discussions for months, what was actually being talked about? Was there any planning at these meetings? Because the actions of the individual leagues themselves suggest that no real dialogues of substance took place at all.

Ohio State athletic director Gene Smith exacerbated these concerns with his comments Tuesday afternoon when discussing the news of the Big Ten officially canceling their fall football season.

When talking to the Big Ten Network, Smith said, “The science came to us so fast,” when trying to explain why the conference switched gears so quickly within the last week. This is an interesting statement to make because within this last week that Smith claims science provided such overwhelming evidence that a football season wasn’t feasible, the conference made two moves that indicated the opposite.

Soon after the Big Ten pulled the plug on their season, the Pac-12 followed suit (AP Photo/Mark J. Terrill)

Last Wednesday, the conference announced their football schedule for all 14 teams, with the first game set for September 3rd between Ohio State and Illinois. While their wording in the schedule release was cautiously optimistic, their actions displayed a confidence that the season would begin on time. The second action that disputes Smith’s claim was that practices started for all teams in preparation for their season opener in less than a month. Teams like Ohio State and Penn State were in helmets and practice jerseys, ramping up for the start of the season that they thought was a definite.

It begs the asking of these questions then: Why did conferences release their schedules? Why were teams allowed to practice if the season was anything but guaranteed? Smith’s statement also raises another question, which is that what happened in the last six days coronavirus wise that gave the league enough concern to cancel the season? While the pandemic hasn’t improved much throughout the country, it certainly didn’t get any worse to make football impossible. It makes you wonder if college football’s leaders weren’t taking the virus seriously until recently.

There’s one final concern that comes with the decision to cancel the fall season and that’s the question of what happens next. We have gotten zero collective answers or clarity on essentially anything so far and that is unacceptable. The players’ hearts and feelings have been toyed with throughout this entire process and they rightfully deserve answers about their future. Some of those questions without any answers include:

  • What will a spring season look like?
  • When will a spring season kick off?
  • Will an extra year of eligibility be granted for every player?
  • Will the scholarship limit increase to accommodate for both returning players and incoming freshmen?

So far, the answer to every single one of these questions has been the same: “I don’t know.” It’s far from assuring that two of the five Power 5 conferences have already pulled the plug without a road map for what the next step is.

In a sport played by so-called amateurs, it would have been nice for the adults in the room to step up and lead the way. Even if a season ultimately proves to be impossible, the every man for themselves strategy that ensued over the last five months has been a direct indictment on the entire leadership structure in college football. As Kruse mentions, the practical implementation of leadership is maximizing the efforts of others to achieve a common goal. Can any president or conference commissioner look themselves in the mirror and say they lived up to this definition? Unlike every other question posed so far, we already know the answer to that one.

Is Clayton Kershaw the best pitcher ever? (part 2)

Is Clayton Kershaw the best pitcher ever? (part 2)

This is the second part of the two-part series where the greatness of Clayton Kershaw will be discussed. Now we have already determined that he is the greatest active pitcher in the regular season. He is atop many statistical lists including Earned Run Average and ERA+, which is park adjusted earned run average, amongst active players. He did this by throwing a four pitch mix highlighted by his knee bending curveball and wipeout slider. Many people who watched him believed he could throw a no-hitter any night. With an MVP award and three Cy Young awards, he raised expectations to a level only he could reach.
Now when talking about Clayton Kershaw’s greatness many people like to discuss his October numbers. He has a career 4.43 ERA in the postseason in 32 games pitched with 25 starts and 158.1 innings. That is a large sample size over many seasons. Now another problem is he gets worse as he goes deeper into the postseason. Now while fatigue is most certainly a factor, his 5.40 era in 26 World Series innings is very concerning. It is a very strange occurrence since during the regular season he is one of the most unhittable pitchers in baseball from start to finish. One factor that may also be influencing these postseason numbers could be that he has been forced to pitch on short rest a total of ten times in the postseason. It has been historically known that the Dodgers in recent history have not trusted their bullpen and depth starters in the postseason. Instead they have used Kershaw on short rest to pitch important postseason innings which have hurt his numbers. When comparing him to all-time greats Kershaw’s postseason ERA is over three full runs higher than Sandy Koufax’s and almost a full run higher than Pedro Martinez’s. Kershaw’s inability to pitch well when the lights shine the brightest versus other pitchers ability to win big games is what lowers Kershaw’s status for me. Yes, pitchers were built differently once upon a time, but Koufax pitched complete games in both game 5 and 7 in the 1965 World Series. He did this on just three days rest. Now it is hard to compare pitchers of different Eras, but Koufax put together 6 seasons unlike anything we have ever seen in baseball and while Kershaw may have better stats then Koufax during the regular season, Koufax’s ability to dominate in the postseason those years as well puts him above Kershaw in my eyes and many other peoples. I will agree Kershaw may be the greatest regular season pitcher ever but when postseason numbers are put into play Sandy Koufax, Walter Johnsons and others pass him on the list. The greatest pitcher ever has to be able to pitch in every situation and produce at least adequate stats regardless of circumstance. Now that back injuries have crept in on Kershaw in the back half of his career, Kershaw will need to make October success happen otherwise he will continue to fall just short of being the greatest pitcher of all time.

Notes of Interest – August 3rd

Notes of Interest – August 3rd

NHL

Perhaps NHL fans in the East bubble city should worry after watching the Maple Leafs lose Game 1 of their qualifying round against Columbus. Despite owning the second most Stanley Cup Championships with 13, the Leafs own the longest drought in the NHL without winning one. The last time Toronto won the Stanley Cup was 1967, the year BEFORE expansion.

Joonas Korpisalo joined John Gibson, Jonas Hiller, Andrew Raycroft, and Chris Osgood to post shutouts in their first postseason start (since 1994). John Tavares (known as pajama boy on Long Island) is a -9 with one goal and 17 shots in his last seven postseason games with Toronto. 

Joonas Korpisalo posted the first shutout in Blue Jackets postseason history in Game 1.

In the East’s seeding qualifying round, Philadelphia defeated Boston, 4-1. Flyers goaltender Carter Hart (21/355) stopped 34 shots breaking Pete Peeters’ (22/235) team record as the youngest to win a postseason game. The Flyers won nine of their last ten games before COVID-19 stopped the NHL season on March 10.

Colorado, who finished the regular season 18-5-2 in their last 25 games, defeated St. Louis 2-1 in the West’s seeding qualifying round. Former Maple Leaf Nazem Kadri scored with .1 remaining after Gabriel Landeskog hit the post.

Arizona won their first postseason game since 2012, defeating Nashville 4-3 in Game 1. The Coyotes franchise (joined the NHL in 1979-80 as the original Winnipeg Jets) are looking to win their second opening round series after losing 12 straight from 1988-2011.

Wild goaltender Alex Stalock made his first postseason start since April 28, 2014 and second of his career, as Minnesota shutout Vancouver, 3-0. Jared Spurgeon recorded his second career multi-goal postseason game, becoming the first defenseman in franchise history to accomplish that. The Wild joined Montreal, Chicago, and Arizona as double-digit seeds to win Game 1.

Fewest Career Postseason Games, Defenseman
Recorded Two or more Multiple Goals
Andy DelmorePHI20
Mac ColvilleNYR40
Jared Spurgeon>>MIN>>45
>>4 Years, 3 Months & 9 Days between multi-goal games in postseason

MLB

NY Mess: The Mets lost 4-0 to Atlanta, losing their fifth straight. New York totaled ten hits but left 13 men on base. In six of their seven losses, the Mets are 14-78 with RISP, with only four hits driving in runs. The Mets loss on Sunday marked the first time since May 3, 1987, they failed to score collecting ten or more hits.

Cespedes opts out: While his teammates lost to the Braves, Mets OF Yoenis Cespedes failed to alert the team he wouldn’t make Sunday’s game. Mets officials released a statement that Cespedes won’t return to the team this season, opting out for COVID related issues. 

Tigers strike: Detroit reliever Tyler Anderson struck out nine straight Reds, tying an AL record while setting one for relievers.

Tyler Anderson tied an AL record with 9 consecutive strikeouts

All Rise: Aaron Judge is returning to his rookie form of 52 HR, becoming the ninth player in Yankees’ history to homer in five straight games. In the eighth inning, Judge’s second HR (league-leading sixth of the season) gave New York their sixth straight victory, completing a sweep over Boston.

Pence breaks snide: Hunter Pence singled in his first AB on Sunday, snapping an 0-23 streak to start the season. The previous two NL players to start the season hitless in his first 23 AB were Austin Hedges in 2017 and Brett Hayes in 2014.

Most AB Without a Hit to Start Season
MLB, Since 2014
2019Chris DavisBAL33
2019Daniel PalkaCHW32
2017Jacob MayCHW26
2015Coco CrispCLE26
2020Hunter PenceSF23
2017Austin HedgesSD23
2014Brett HayesFLA23

Orioles Sweep: Baltimore completed a three-game sweep of Tampa Bay on Sunday, their first against the Rays since 2012, and overall since 2018.

Cheerleaders are Fu**ing Useless

Cheerleaders are Fu**ing Useless

Imagine if you will, a past time, a yesteryear. A time before cell phones, before jumbotrons, before live broadcasts of sports. Or ask your parents to tell you about what was normal.

Sports were still fundamentally the same. Except there weren’t booming sound systems. Or scoreboards with visuals for replay. Or people shooting clothing at you from a hand cannon.

What DID sports have? Mascots. And cheerleaders.

One of these has stood the test of time. A good mascot is a fun addition to an environment. You’ be hard pressed to find a sports fan who doesn’t know the Chicken formerly known as San Diego, or the Philly Phanatic or Mr Met or the newest all star sports mascot, Gritty of the Filthadelphia Flyers. However, most mascots are not good at what they do. For instance, when the NHL has mascot day, you learn that most hockey mascots are milquetoast facsimiles of the team logo.  They are generally harmless, so no one cares. Except that Hot Dog Race in Milwaukee. That shit is dope.

Why mention the NHL? Because the NHL created something unusual to sports. And when I say the NHL created something, it was clearly an accident, and done by the least likely of franchises- the lowly New York Islanders.

The Islanders created a hybrid of mascot, cheerleader, and unionized employee with the introduction of the Ice Girls. These were attractive young women who could skate well enough to shovel ice shavings and dump them into a garbage can- NO, not MSG- while wearing flashy outfits to amp up the crowd. And the mascot angle? The Islanders gave the Ice Girls time to do ice dancing routines, which were actually impressive.

So what did the team do with these pioneers? Fired all of them. Cool.

What the Ice Girls did was unique. Entertainers and safety workers. But what if they were only entertainers? Then they’d just be cheerleaders. And in the year 2020? Cheerleaders are fucking useless.  

Why are cheerleaders still a thing anymore? This is a question that needs to be put on the table, because the concept of cheerleaders is horribly out of date, and on a professional level is both redundant and stupid.

Cheerleaders are from a time gone by when there were no arena TV’s, no sound systems for individual walk up songs, no replays of every play no matter how mundane, and no in game trivia contest where all you need to win is know who the fuck the home team is playing.

Cheerleaders purpose is to rev up a crowd to cheer. And thanks to modern technology, you know, like a camera? Cheerleaders are as obsolete as the era that they came from.

So lets discuss that era of cheerleading. Think back to an era…say 1950’s. There were plenty of male sports in schools. Baseball, basketball, football, shoot the minority…. good old fashioned fun from when America was great.

Alabama state champs 1963. So homogeneous.

But what did girls do? They waited for a guy to get a car so they could ride in an Edsel and keep their morality by giving a hand job after a 25 cent movie and a milk shake that for some reason was made in a pharmacy. But sports?

Girls generally didn’t have sports programs. And schools? They didn’t have to provide girls sports. Title IX (9 for idiots) was the law that forced schools to give girls equal opportunities to men in academic and athletic programs. 1972 wasn’t even 50 years ago. Your grandma probably could fuck someone up but wasn’t allowed to shoot the hoop. Or take an AP class. Way to wind a pendulum to one end, assholes.

So what did girls do before Title IX? They put on short skirts, cheered for the alpha males, and bred with them after the game. Because what were athletic women to do to meet guys with similar interests?

Yes, I did see “A League of Their Own.” Love the movie. But the women’s pro baseball league needed a fucking world war to make it reality, went from 10 teams to six in a 4 year span, and died as a five team league without a central organization in 1954. Also, the players made about $1200 a week in todays money. Imagine a male pro playing for $1200 a week today?

So, these cheerleaders today? You gotta go. Why?

First off, those in house cameras and giant displays plus sound systems replaced you. Fans prefer to see their own faces while dancing like idiots on a massive screen instead of seeing a cheerleader with stupid pom poms shaking her bony over-choreographed ass from an upper bowl seat where you can’t even tell what the fuck is going on. From the upper deck in any sports arena, you have no idea what bathroom the cheerleader uses. #Trannystyle. Conversely, I will leave an upper decker in any sports arena.

Get some hips

With the inclusion of women in sports from young ages, sports have wholeheartedly embraced female fans. Look at any sports team’s website- they sell shit that no man would buy- team scented candles?? Sports purses? Eat balls. But they’re sold for a specific audience.

Plus, at every sporting event I’ve ever gone to, there are prettier girls in the crowd with way more enthusiasm for the home team than the ones getting paid to smile and dance around while they pretend that they give a shit. Here’s a truth- they don’t.

But there’s a lot more than a hardly visible side show that teams hope sell calendars.

Cheerleaders are paid like Wal-Mart cashiers.  And they have contractual demands that are fucked up, like to not eat. I get that women willfully enter these contracts because it gives them access to meet millionaires, which we all know meeting and getting filled with any rich male’s splooge is most girls dreams, but most teams prevent mingling because of the potential for lawsuits. I heard rumors that sometimes these cheerleaders even take pleasure wife contracts from wealthy foreigners, where they sell their ass into 365 loose shits a year instead of cheering for shitty NFL teams, but oddly those articles from major magazines were removed from the internet. I wonder why?

Let’s be practical. Why not have professional strippers shake their implanted tits and implanted asses for a slack jawed crowd that will crank one out after the game? Is there any difference in intent?

Then there are the geographical differences in cheerleader quality. Who wants to see girls freeze their tits off in Buffalo? Plus, a Buffalo 10 is a Los Angeles 4. Too much Beef on Weck hurts the thighs and gunt.

The Buffalo Diet

Also, cheerleading by itself is not a sport. It’s choreographed dance and gymnastics. It’s an activity, no doubt, and as athletic as exercise. But if it’s a sport, let me ask you this- how do you play defense against a cheer? Exactly. Fuck your public aerobics.

And I don’t need some oddly dressed employee to tell me how to root for my team. Do you know how I root for my team? By researching their opponents to see if anyone has a drug problem or a domestic violence case or was molested by a coach or fucked his wife’s sister or lied to a fanbase about not being a cuckold for his ugly wife (all of these are things athletes have actually done) and then I spend all game loudly reminding them at how garbage they are as a human being. Got a cheer for that, sugar? “Rah rah rah, you got AIDS!” That’s a cheer I would love.

What should team owners think about cheerleaders? One word- LAWSUIT. If I were a team owner, I would not want the headaches of lawsuits based on men doing stupid shit based on temptation, or rejection, or inconsideration, or hormones. Shit like a Hall of Fame quarterback sending a picture of his dick to a team public relations agent. If he was smart he would have sent a picture of his portfolio and said “Ever seen one this big?” Would have worked a lot better, guaranteed.

Not so super

Also, as an owner? I would not want the headaches of lawsuits based on women imagining stupid shit based on jealousy or temptation or rejection or hormones. HE’S SO SEXIST! HE’S NOT WOKE! Fuck off. Until there’s a DNA test that proves that women are incapable of lying to punish men-  especially when self interest is involved?-  bag it. As it is, the entire me too movement is questionable. They didn’t call out an actress that molested a young boy because she was a founding mother. And never forget, this is a gender that will sell out their own sons- and daughters-  to punish the father who dumps them for their psychoses making the husbands life unbearable. Never expect stability from that kind of attention seeker. There’s even a phrase for an entire gender that works really well- Trap Ass Ho.  

Lastly, as an owner, don’t sell your cheerleaders asses.

Getting rid of cheerleaders really isn’t much of an issue. Does baseball have cheerleaders? Or hockey? No. And basketball? Sort of. Basketball has dancers, and they’re also useless.  So it’s not like there would be vast joblessness.

We’re really aiming at one stupid sport. And a sport that’s so turtlesque that it needs every distraction it can get. So bring in the highlight videos! Let’s see those same old highlights over and over again! See ya, football cheerleaders!

Let me let you in on another reason to get rid of cheerleaders. It’s their deep, dark secret. Some people are afraid to say this, but I will call a spade a spade. Cheerleading teams are sexists. How many male cheerleaders do you see in pro sports? How many women lobby for men to be included on pro teams? Zero. Why? Because they’re fucking sexists. Women watch sports. Do you think they don’t want to see a pair of big hairy dangling delicious balls drop out of the goofy shorts of some Tony Robbins looking motherfucker? Nonsense. This is a choice that female cheerleaders make. Cheerleaders are sexist, and cheerleading is a sexist profession.

Could be a president, couldn’t get a job as a cheerleader.

It’s a new day. We have access to porn on our phones supported by the arena WiFi to find crank bait. It’s time to retire the cheerleader. Maybe it can be done with dignity- put a silhouette of a mini shirt up with the retired numbers in an arena. Bring back the old saggy tittied grannies who cheered for Knute Rockne for one last huzzah. Throw bologna at effigies of cheerleaders tits and asses in a parking lot. Whatever we need to end this horseshit that is as outdated as dial up internet and records running at 78 rpm.

It’s time to retire cheerleaders. Because cheerleaders are fucking useless.